Like most little girls, when I was young I thrived on feeling special. In particular, I always wanted to feel like a princess.
I wanted to be Daddy’s little princess. I wanted to be the princess in school plays and at Halloween. In fact, if there was ever a costume involved, and sometimes even if there wasn’t, I wanted to be the princess. I remember draping towels, scarves, and tee-shirts around my neck (making my cape) and using everything from hair brushes to hockey sticks as my royal scepter.
Eventually, I outgrew the desire to promenade around the house wearing a towel on my shoulders. I did not, however, outgrow the need to be a princess. I don’t think many women ever do. Fortunately, life offers drama classes, beauty pageants, work presentations, formal dinners, and the duo of ultimate “big daddy” princess events: Prom and wedding day.
The wedding day is a given. Every woman wants to float down the aisle, a vision in white.
Then there’s Prom. Shimmering dresses, high-heels, flowers, limos, mani/pedis and makeovers out the ying-yang. Why do we girls love it so? I believe Prom is such a big deal because it is the perfect excuse to be a princess.
It’s more than playing dress up. Prom is about feeling magical. It’s the thought of looking beautiful in that dress while dancing with someone special and being the focus of that special someone’s attention. Most women love the thought of it. It’s just the way we’re hardwired.
So, if Prom is such a biggie, what’s a girl supposed to do once Prom is only a faded memory? What else can provide a woman with that giddy princess feeling? One day each calendar year gives an option. For many of the women I know (myself included), Valentine’s Day is the grown-up girl’s Prom. It is the one day our mind shifts from the hectic duties of life and the vast physical and emotional needs we routinely meet for others as bffs, girlfriends, wives, sisters, daughters, and mothers. Simply put, Valentines’ Day is our Prom. It is our day to slip from the norm. Our day to feel like a princess.
We want flowers and chocolates and jewelry. We want to be wined and dined and serenaded. We long for spontaneous love poems, quirky intimate gifts, and a day of well-thought-out surprises. We dream of dressing up, being twirled around on a dance floor, held tight on a slow song, making out in a limo, and being whispered intimate secrets on moonlit walks. And yes, we want a kick-ass gift delivered to the office—a gift that makes all the other princesses jealous as hell.
Why? We aren’t suckered by commercialism. Most of us don’t focus on the amount of money our honey forks out. In fact, a bouquet of wildflowers and a romantic poem can score more points than a two hundred dollar cluster of pre-fab roses. After all, it isn’t status we seek. It is ATTENTION we crave. On Valentine’s Day a girl needs to know that to you she is the most beautiful creature in the world. That out of all the other people and places you could be investing your attention, your time, and your money, she reigns supreme. Above everyone and everything else…you choose her. She wants to be your princess.
So, how do you give your spouse or girlfriend the gift of being princess for a day?
- ORGANIZE a plan.
First rule of thumb: Nothing says, “he doesn’t really give a crap” more than receiving a picked-over Valentine’s card and a handful of grocery-store candy and flowers that were snatched up last minute on the way home from the office.
Instead of fumbling through the holiday, have a game plan. (See the suggestion list below this post for ideas). Put forth the effort to make her feel special. And remember that Valentine’s Day IS Valentine’s Day…not the day before (looks like you are just trying to ‘do your duty’ and get it over with) and heavens forbid not the day after. (You pull that trick and it looks like you are trying to suck up because you forgot.)
- THINK like a woman.
On this one day, toss out your usual thought processes. Do your best to plan something that isn’t cliché or practical or expected. Saying, “Well, maybe we could just go out for dinner or something,” probably won’t make much of an impression. Be creative. Be classy. Be random. Be exciting. Provide an escape. (There’s a reason she reads those squash-buckling hero romance novels, you know.) Don’t operate with your brain (or your man-brain either, goofball). Operate on emotion, fellas. Use your heart.
- INVEST in your princess.
Creativity and attention are more important than shelling out big bucks, but don’t be afraid to spend money when necessary. Even more than the financial aspect, invest your attention and your time on your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day. Let her know that even with all the distractions life has to offer, there is nothing and no one you would rather dote on/focus on than her.
This Valentine’s Day do more than make a dinner reservation or pick up a card. Make your girl princess for a day.
SUGGESTIONS FOR THE VD CHALLENGED:
*Tie a pretty bow on a jar and fill it with slips of paper with personalized thoughts, love notes, scripture verses, or affirmations just for your sweetie.
*Give her mementos from a special event the two of you attended in the past (if possible with a photo of the two of you at the event). If you are really creative make a collage or decorate a picture frame or mat for a frame with photos, old ticket stubs, gum wrappers, quotes, etc. (anything with sentimental value for the two of you).
*Write a detailed letter complimenting her and telling her exactly why you care for you. Remember to write specifically and not in generalities. For instance, instead of “You are fun to be around,” write “I laughed so hard after the day we spent at the park together, my sides hurt the next day,” or instead of “You’re so pretty,” write something like, “The way your face lights up and your eyes crinkle when you smile just makes me love you so much.” Remember to be specific.
*Show up at her home or office with her favorite coffee, tea, or snack. Tell her how much she means to you.
*Call her in the middle of the day and whisper a few secrets (they can be naughty or nice).
*Write her favorite love poem on pretty paper. Roll it up and tie with a ribbon or string.
*Write out the lyrics to a love song that makes you think of her. Below the lyrics tell her why this song always makes you remember her.
*Text her a series of simple riddles throughout the day, leading her to guess what special thing you have planned for Valentine’s night (i.e., romantic dinner, surprise event, some hanky panky).
*Leave a bottle of her favorite perfume somewhere for her to find on Valentine’s along with a note that says, “Every time I smell this I think of you…and it drives me wild.”
*Find out what toy, book, game, or doll was her favorite as a child (or what was something she always wanted as a kid but never got). Deliver that item to her in a pretty gift bag (find a vintage item if it isn’t still being made).
*Take her dancing or for a dance lesson. If there is not a good venue nearby remember slow dancing anywhere is always a winner. A car radio, a secluded area under the stars…you get the idea.
*Jewelry, my good man. Jewelry.
*Hand-deliver her favorite flowers. You don’t have to spend a ton on this either. Most women would appreciate a single flower or a handful of wildflowers picked by you and tied with a bow.
*Cuddle up on the couch and read a book to her (especially if she is a reader). It is very sexy when a man reads a book of sonnets, love poetry, or a good book to his sweetie.
*Call her and sing a few lines from a love song to her.
*Give her any small gift that has significance—that is your “thing.” If you don’t have a special song or a special “thing,” create one on this day. It can be a symbol or a flower, a frog, bears, hearts, anything—even a brand of gum or catch phrase. Remember, having a sentimental thing just between the two of you creates bonding.
*Give her a gift certificate to her favorite spa.
*Show up unexpectedly with a tiny trinket of some kind (heart, pen, keychain, locket). Slip it into her hand, tell her you were thinking of her, whisper something private and sweet into her ear and then walk away.
*Take her to a chick-flick. Hold her hand and dote on her the whole time.
*Fill a gift bag with simple foods (grapes, strawberries, cheese, finger sandwiches, crackers—anything easy and simple you both like). Take your girl on a night picnic. Weather permitting, toss a blanket down in a secluded outdoor locale. If that isn’t an option, have a picnic in your car at a pretty spot (park, look-out, by a lake, etc.) Play some music, hold her hand, feed her, look at the stars and share your secrets with her. (If the weather is good, this would also be a great time for that impromptu slow dance.)
*Get really dressed up and take her to a nice place for dinner. Treat her like a queen. Pull back her chair, open her door, make eye contact and listen to her—show her she captivates you.
POETRY SUGGESTIONS:
e.e. cummings, "I Carry Your Heart"
Samuel Taylor Coleridge, "Desire"
Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "How Do I Love Thee?"
William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 29"
William Shakespeare, "Sonnet 116"
John Masefield, "Beauty"
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